Couples counseling "mother-child": simple shapes, and the completion of the situation

Couples counseling "mother - child"

One of the modern challenges of school psychological services is the prevention and correction of school exclusion. From his studies, a child comes with a certain family psychological "baggage", which is projected to school life and determines the degree of adaptation of the student, especially in the early stages. Inclusion into the work of the school psychologist couples "parent-child" can greatly optimize the psychological help, because the "soul" of the psychologist has 900 students, and more, teachers and parents.

Couples counseling, perhaps, still "exotic" form of psychotherapy practice, especially in the arsenal of the school psychologist. In the literature there are examples of work with a pair of F. Perls, Gestalt continues to develop in working with couples and families C. Nevis (Cleveland). This involves not only the interactions within the group: the focus is on "private system" and their contact with the world. Pair is considered as a single organism (group as a person). This allows you to apply to its operation cycle metaphor contact violations at the interface (introjection, projection, retroflection, confluence, defleksiya) generally applicable to the individual in the process of therapy. It is also useful to get acquainted with the practices of family physicians as V. Satir, C. Whitaker, etc. [1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8].

The purpose of this article is to demonstrate the capabilities of the consultation process a pair of "mother-child" in the work of the school psychologist, the wording of the basic principles of counseling.

The reason for the consultation (therapy) can serve as test results (performance anxiety in children's drawings), and crises associated with learning and behavior ( Tanya, 2 class - pages torn from "2" of the diary.)

Given that initiated the meetings are usually parents, school counselor, or the school, work in pairs to create a equal chance for a student who often does not even know "what brought him here," which is not too far from the truth. Therefore, such a meeting with a couple allows the student to be the subject of relationships, not the object of educational impact and correction.

Working with a pair of "here and now" makes it possible, using interactive methods to remove rigidity tensions "Fathers and Sons", identify abnormal communication patterns, to draw attention to the value of emotional contact.

When building a therapeutic relationship I rely on the principles and methods of Gestalt approach. This allows us to study a couple of from the point of view of the process, to fix attention on family interactions, for abuses and resistances at the interface, to emphasize the emotional experience and at the same time helps me not to lose yourself, to be attentive to their own reactions when dealing [3, 4, 5, 6]. The goal of therapy (in the school psychology service) - to teach the members of the couple to recognize each other's differences, to appreciate the differences and best express what they feel, what they want, what they think.

Gestalt therapy for this has a rich arsenal of both its own borrowed from other schools, "a continuous awareness," Working with polarities, role playing, sculpting, drawing, metaphor. [3] All this has both diagnostic and remedial function, helps to bring the system out of balance, which is regarded as a member of a couple "dead end." In troubled families closed equilibrium, once set and were once useful and functional, cease to be "here and now" . Open systems, according to V. Satir, have a choice of "balance", and if the position changes, changing roles participants can adapt again and again. [7] Speaking in Gestalt terms, this pair can form simple shapes and end the situation .

I want to illustrate some of the above examples, techniques, stories, typical and interesting from my point of view.

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• Basic question, "How do you feel now? " for students grades 1-3, and no less, and for their parents. Ask a question at the beginning of the work: "What kind of feelings do you know?" - And suggest to choose something suitable listed my emotions: anger, fear, joy, sadness ... Usually first graders say, 'I'm having fun. " Adds: "It's fun when you get a birthday ... more or less ... so a little bit of fun?" You can still hear the "calm", less "sad" and almost never "anger, anger" and "fear" . This feeling unattractive in our culture and in specific families, they are usually "hidden behind the screen."
•  "It's hard to accept the fact of mutual differences, if not assess the degree of similarity" (V. Satir). Hence the natural question, "What you have in common as a couple?".Participants take turns call options. When they finish, I suggest shut half to two minutes of silence is born something else.
• Working with the "bad" feelings.

Denis (1st class) + mother.

Dennis, speaking of himself, often uses the word "kindness", fantasizes about the "vessels of goodness" in the office of a psychologist. Emphasizes that it is "not angry."

Psihterapevt psychologist (S): What are the "bad" feelings?

With the help of my mother looking for answers: fear - to preserve life, irritation - to protect themselves. Suggest the pair exchanged remarks on the subject: "I'm angry at you when ..."

Dima (1kl) + mother.

Dima denied "angry." I asked my mother if she says, when the son is angry that he is doing in this case. Mom gives an example, which Dima agrees.

Dasha (1kl) + mother.

P (Dasha): What in your life more worrying?

Dasha: I fear in life is to live ... I'm more afraid of spiders, mice ... I feel jealous when my father kisses his mother's nose.

P (mother): What do you feel when Dasha jealous?

Mom: Anxiety about the future, that it will grow selfish.

P (Dasha): What you need to make mom to keep you jealous?

Dasha lists options, mainly retroflex plan, "hit", "dropped on the floor," "had called a bad word."

In one of the next meetings Dasha concerned that the neighbors across the courtyard close your cat indoors.

P: What do you feel?

Dasha: I am angry, "Why do you close your cat?"

Along the way, the girl writes a story about a swan, in which the boy was throwing stones at the tour, and hit his swan wings. First gives the story a reality, and then says that she came up with her.

Propose to model the situation conversation with a neighbor (the role played by my mother). Pay attention Dasha that we need not, and ask, offer, saying about his feelings.

• Often use communication games "I want ...", "I am not happy ... - I appreciate ...", "I get angry when ...". more about them, and the situation "requests requirement" can be read in the book of James Rainwater " How to become your own therapist ". [6]

• Confluence (merging).

Mom: We learn bad.

P (mom): You continue their education at the school?

• Compose a story.

"How Sasha learn the multiplication table."

A: Once upon a mom ... What was the mother?

Sasha (3 cl.): Beautiful, intelligent, kind.

P: ... and ... What was Sasha Sasha?

Sasha: lazy, rebellious ... no, obedient (and still have to choose the option to stay "compliant").

P: Did what? Well ... maybe, kind, affectionate, gentle.

Sasha (picks) and kind and affectionate, and gentle.

P: Mom said Sasha, "learn the multiplication table." What Alex did?

Sasha: First, to teach did not, and the next day, when my mother went to work, went and learned.

P (mom): How often do you praise her daughter? You expect the immediate fulfillment of their demands, or you can wait a little?

• "Two."

 Tanya (2 cl.) Tore the page from the diary of a deuce. Mom marks its position as the "push and demand" (insists on this man and his family), and the position of the daughter - "repent." Mom meets her daughter from school question "How's it going? , "In which she notes the irony. Tanya feels guilty.

P: So, it is better to pull the page, but my mother did not disappoint.

At the next meeting looking for constructive ways out of the situation (through role play).Propose to use a neutral mother, bezotsenochnye questions: "How are you? How may I help you? "Etc. At the end, Tanya says she feels her mother's care, and it's nice, mother feels affection and happiness.

P: And what we started?

Mother: a deuce!

• ·     "why" and "how."

"Why?" Refers to communicative category "accuser" (by V. Satir), and in contrast to the question "how to" give less room to maneuver. It is, simply, a dead issue.

Instead of asking, "Why do not you take out the garbage on time?", You can ask, "How should I remind you of the fact that you take out the garbage on time? ". In other words, to move from the question "Who is to blame?" To discuss the situation, "How to change this?". It would be better if the counselor instead of finished formulations offer a new look on their own, hinting at the fact that the word "why" it is better to exclude.

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These examples show how to "here and now" to correct abnormal patterns of behavior of members of a pair, change the angle of vision of the problem ("two"), to explore the "dead ends" and interrupt the interactive loop. When working with a couple of forms therapeutic space, which emphasizes the value of emotional experience "to achieve a more adequate level of existence filled" (K. Whitaker). Working with a pair can not only diversify the advisory practice, but also to be a "figure" in the organization of the school psychologist, regardless of who initiated the meeting: participants pairs or social inquiry arose.

References:

1. Bandler, R., Grinder, J., V. Satir family therapy. - Voronezh: NGO "MODEK", 1993.-128 S.
2. Whitaker, K., B. Bamberri Dancing with the family: Family therapy: A symbolic approach based on personal experience. - Moscow: an independent company "Class", 1997. -172 S.
3. S. Ginger, Ginger A. Gestalt contact. - St.: Special Literature, 1999. - 287 p.
4. Nevis S. "Family Gestalt" (materials for a workshop on the application of the Gestalt approach to intimate system in Moscow Gestalt Institute, 1993-1994).
5. F. Perls Gestalt approach and Witness Care. - M.: 1996. - 240.
6. Rainwater D. It is in your power. How to become your own therapist. - M.: 1992. - 238 p.
7. Satir B. How to build yourself and your family. - Moscow: Pedagogy. - Press, 1992. - 192 p.
8. Tsapkin VN identity as a group and the group as a person. - Moscow psychotherapeutic magazine. - № 4. - 1994. - P.11-28.

Olga Isaenko, Ph.D.